Stability Isn’t a Dirty Word

Keep calm and carry on posterThis week, I had my 6-month evaluation, and I’ll cut to the chase:  I became a permanent employee!  This means that now its a lot harder to fire me than it was just a month ago if for no other reason than it involves a lot more paperwork.  I have to be pretty bad to get let go (I mean pretty bad – look at the DMV.  We’re under the same umbrella), and according to my 6-month evaluation I am not bad at all, so this should be a non-issue.

And really, I didn’t think that I wouldn’t pass probation.  I do my job (well, I think), I show up on time, I don’t call out, and I’m flexible.  But, sometimes you just never know.  You never know what you might’ve done or said or what might’ve been perceived incorrectly.  And so, I spent most of November in a perpetual panic attack, afraid that something was going to happen and my permanent status was going to elude me for reasons other than budget (like everywhere else I’ve worked).

Maybe it’s my type-A personality shining through.  Maybe its my desire to have constant feedback on my performance (which isn’t realistic), and when I don’t have it I get worried and doubt seeps in.  I’m the kind of person that actually looks forward to evaluations.  When I had my very first one at PVLD a few years ago I was excited.  I’m always looking for feedback and ways to improve.  It’s actually a little disappointing when I’m told that everything is good, great, as expected, keep plugging along and you’ll be just fine.  That’s probably because I want to be amazing, awesome, wonderful – but there isn’t a box for that on an evaluation or guidelines on how to get there.  I just have to keep improving upon myself and striving for the next goal which isn’t always easy but is always attainable.  Who knows what the future has in store for me, but at least for now I can breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy my health insurance.

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One thought on “Stability Isn’t a Dirty Word

  1. Pingback: Programming Winter & Spring 2013 as a Permanent Librarian | Lessa Librarian

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